Saturday, May 29, 2010


Recently, many people seem to be going through parent difficulties. This is nothing new, of course. But it seems as though the independence gained through graduating high school and entering uni may lead to further conflict between teenagers and their parents, who may feel as though they have no control, while of course teenagers are just like, "why should they control me anyway?!!!"

Parental control is something that teenagers rebel against, even while inwardly acknowledging that their parents only want the best for them and may, indeed, know better. However while contemplating the relationship between parents and children, i began to wonder whether respect for parents on the part of the child was implicit or had to be earned. Or, to go further, whether children still had an obligation to treat their parents with respect even if they themselves were not respected by their parents. 

Some time ago, my father said to me, "I am not looking for equality in this relationship."

As soon as he said this, I immediately felt rather disturbed, as though a wrong note had been sounded in a chord. For even if there is no equality in a parent-child relationship at the point when that child is only a teenager, would there not come a time when equality (equilbrium, lol) was achieved? If we consider "capability to look after" as the criteria for "superiority", it would then seem that after that point the "superiority" would shift towards the side of the child, who (then an adult) would then become increasingly "superior"? I guess this means that equality would not be achieved for a while. The point I am trying to make is that although some parents do not anticipate their loss of "superiority", they are unfortunately doomed to become such. Similarly, it is expected and even favourable that teenagers should strive towards greater independence, in light of their increasing "superiority" as opposed to their parents' "inferiority". 

Not that I am saying parents are inferior, or anything. Nor that teenagers should ignore the advice of their elders. Simply, that perhaps parents and children should try to think outside of the parent-children relationship, and view each other simply as people...on second thoughts this might lead to bad things.

What do you think? Is equality between children and parents ever achievable, or even desirable? And if so, is teenage rebellion justified?


FROGGY said...

i have been thinking similar thoughts lately... but probably more on my mother's attempts to "maintain" her "superiority" over mine. It is as though she nags/tries to control my movements to prove or maybe keep this "inequality" in our relationship a little bit longer.

I think equality in terms of control will eventually be achieved but respect is another question.

hungy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hungy said...

'One does not care to acknowledge the mistakes of one's youth.'

Danny Con said...

they say arguing with ur parents increases independence/ability to think for urself/reasoning ability etc

Luindilwen said...

LOL...well my parents believe they are superior ive known that for years but it still disgusts me. I know that what we need is money and then we no longer are inferior whether we are superior or not..doesnt matter...Until then there isn't anything we can do about it as...parents can refuse to pay for us.
well...if darwinism is right we are already better than our parents ^^ happy thoughts!!

Kath said...

i dunno. i think i've reached an equilibrium of sorts with my parents. It could be because I don't see them that much. However, when I do see them, I can see that the balance really does weigh in their favour. Strangely, that's okay with me since I'll just pass on the superiority complex to my children.

i almost feel sorry for my progeny.

infinityeva said...

To be honest I've pretty much always been in an equal sort of relationship with my parents; they've never tried to assert themselves over me and have just let me do whatever I want. I guess I'm grateful, although it's deeply embedded within some cultures that parents are by nature superior, always.

hungy said...

as if you didn't get the reference...i'm disappointed vincent :\

That or you didn't bother to acknowledge it. Either way, i'm disappointed.